After I had seen the penalty notice for
driving too fast, the rest of the day was more or less ruined for me. This was
not the first time that I got a penalty notice, not even the third. This year
it is my fourth for being speedster girl. I am not intentionally driving faster
than permitted, but it just happens…. to me. Hubby is better at that, he never
drives too fast, or parks in a no-parking zone. No, I am the expert on doing these things wrong.
Still, I actually have improved massively when it comes to penalty notices.
They are faaaar less and the fines are lower too, because I try hard to do it
right and I can actually see that it works better than ever. The reasons for
that are mainly two, we talk things through, so that I always know what is
acceptable and what is not, and I receive what I deserve for not sticking to
these rather simple rules. And driving too fast is not allowed ?!
Having said that, I can only say that I
knew what would happen and I would have preferred to receive my punishment
rather earlier than later. This is not the kind of anticipation that I like.
Waiting for a punishment, thinking, self-reproach and always with
the image of Master in mind, who was annoyed, because this driving too fast has happened
again. He was a bit annoyed and when he is, he postpones any kind of discipline
decision, any punishment, because he does not want anger of any kind to influence
his decisions. Good for me, physically speaking, but bad for me, emotionally
speaking. I hate this waiting for punishment and the more time passes, the more
I think about what I have done. This time, it was a rather cheap affair, but it
doesn’t change much. I hate that I have annoyed Master with my thoughtlessness
and that alone is something which lets me feel low.
Nevertheless, if things like these happen,
which I obviously have a great talent to cause, we are glad that we have a
procedure that enables us to get over the problem quickly. In addition, this
procedure is an excellent way to improve my behaviour, because Master makes
sure to drive his message home and I come out chastised, with a better and
corrected attitude and in the long run, far happier, because everything about
the affair is over and we don’t have to waste time on endless, fruitless
discussions.
For me, punishments also have the effect that they allow me to let
go all frustration that I might have built up, and I always have built up some at such times.
Waiting for a whole day for your punishment is another reason why I build up
frustration. I guess it is part of my learning process, to think about what has
happened over and over again. When the punishment finally comes, I am not keen
on it, but I am more than willing to accept it because I feel that I deserved
it then and in the end I always have this feeling of relief afterwards. Oh, and
I drive slower afterwards too, again!
Late Wednesday evening, Master finally
called me and I got my punishment. I got the cane for my infraction and though
it hurt like hell, I know it could have been worse. Master can already vary how
hard the cane strikes, with how I have to stand or bend. This time I could bend forward
with my arms on the bed. If Master had me stand and bend down, hands on ankles,
it would have been worse, because in this position, it is more painful for me. Master
lectured me about safe driving and he also combined that with how much my
driving habits have already improved, which I found rather nice of him to mention,
but in that moment my crying intensified and I could let go, because of his
nice words in such a moment. Since the caning was over, I got hugged and Master
held me in his arms and calmed me down for a few minutes. But I would not get
around cornertime, where I should think about ways to be better in sticking to
speed limits. Master also wanted me to consider how devastated he would be, if
I got injured because of such thoughtlessness. He loves me deeply, I know, but if
he says something like that it always is a blow. If not because I want to be
safe in the car, then I could at least do it for him. I’ll be better, promise.
No comments :
Post a Comment
You are invited to leave a comment. I appreciate your interest and feedback and will try to answer. But please, no insults and don't be rude.